I feel grateful

If I didn’t move to California in 2023, I’d probably be hiding somewhere.

Instead, I get to occupy a spot, a slot, a place in the lineup. With people I had never met before. With friends I just made who think I’m rad.

These photos I take with other comedians … there would have been no Terry Bu. I would have been a ghost. hiding somewhere. Like I had hidden away for many years. I would have been invisible. Not in LA for sure.

For me to be here. With these people. Fellow comics. And meet new people and deepen friendships with existing people. Everyday feels like a privilege. A real joy.

The kind of joy I had always escaped from … I had never really known before in my life.

The joy I can give out on stage is only as much as the joy I have within myself :)

My ability to exude Joy and Happiness and Fun and Empathy out into the world is amplified by my ability to harness joy, happiness, fun and empathy within myself. Not only amplified, but made possible only through my ability to be happy in myself. 

To feel happy about myself, to feel joyous about who I am, what I achieved and what I do … To have fun with genuine things deep inside my soul that inspires curiosity … and to feel love and empathy for myself and for everybody else … first …

and then stepping on the stage becomes really natural and easy from that. 

Then you are not on stage to get validation from laughter and prove something about yourself, that you are funny.

Instead, you get on stage to give gifts to people. Share with people. All the joy you have within yourself to make people smile. And you don’t need them to laugh back. You just give out your gift freely. And sometimes they laugh, sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t matter. You are there to do your duty as a comedian to give out your joy. share your joy.

all angels sing in heaven

I was thinking today that all angels sing in heaven. that there’s no distinction between an “artist” “creative” and a normal person.

We all used to think there’s artists and the rest of us who are not so special. But that’s not true. We’ve actually lost touch with what is our divine destiny and what our goal should be (which is self realization and evolution) and so there are people who forget or choose to forget that divine goal. When we remember and decide to pursue self actualization and evolution, we naturally become artists and creatives in our own right. To pursue self-actualization means to actually learn to create for yourself. Create your own life for yourself … to be creative … is just a natural by-product of that. To take the reins to design your own life, your own world.

Instead of being a passive cell in this world, You are choosing to “happen” to things and take initiative to make things happen in the world and in your life instead of waiting for things to happen, fun to happen, etc.

My mom tends to judge me harshly when I sing and post on social media lol because she doesn’t understand. She seems massively bothered by it. I think most people are unfamiliar with the importance of self-expression, creative artistic expression and the importance of “doing” things in the spirit of flow of action … and how that impacts our brain and our well-being … rather than caring too much about the “end result” of it.

To be a creative person is to lose the fear of expressing yourself, and instead to revel in the act of making. It’s essentially a decision to think that way and act that way, instead of doing nothing and just staying as a passive observer. Instead of watching TV at home, instead, we can be active in the the act of creating. That action piece I think scares most people because they are so afraid of being judged, criticized or rejected. When in fact, it’s really not that bad when somebody judges you harshly, and that action is critical to leveling up, evolving as an artist, as a creative person. As you learn how to express yourself more authentically, more relatably, more uniquely, one mistake at a time. You have to make it a habit to express yourself. Otherwise you lose yourself in the ocean of … self-doubt, inertia, and … of course aging and old age. We just die if we just let things happen. You need courage and balls to make things happen in this world.

I think when people who are not yet capable of understanding that fact judge others harshly because they automatically think “oh you are trying to impress” or “oh you are trying to be that” … I wasn’t trying to be anything. That was me having fun, and some other people had fun as a result of me having fun. It was weirdly cathartic for all of us.

And all angels in heaven are free. Free to express. Free to sing. My goal is to try to become one of those angels. They become unafraid to express themselves because they realize God is always protecting them and there’s no need to fear others. That we were, since the time of birth, designed to create, sing, express, make art, and make our life into a masterpiece … just like God our divine creator. That we sing and create art and comedy not to please one person, or one booker, or one audience …. but to please God within us who knows that we are trying our utmost to bring out what is within us and capable inside us to bring out in the glory of God. In honor of God. And when we die, God will be proud of us. I am absolutely certain of that without a shred of doubt … It just came to me this morning.

Putting myself out there is scary! But we must have the courage to be disliked and misunderstood LOL :) …

I have nothing to lose. Sing in public. Do Roxy Hart in public. Authentic self-expression to the core. Who knows if I will be this healthy again? Will be this spiritual again? This young and 35 again? The answer is never. I put myself out there, despite all the odds, and see if I can make an impact in my small way before my death … which is inevitable. Tell jokes to the public. Especially the controversial ones. That’s who I truly am. How I learned from Bill Hicks, George Carlin … that’s the way they did it. And Bill will always be with me, as long as I do my comedy and art with love and truth … not as an attempt to offend or just create controversy for the sake of starting a fight.